What She Left Us Page 7

  So the day that Mrs. Crand asked about a billion questions about how Courtney was doing and what her mother was up to and why didn’t her dad ever stay for cookies and when she finally said, “Jenna, you don’t talk much, what is going on inside that little head of yours?”, Jenna let her have it.

  “Mrs. Crand, I don’t feel much like talking.”

  “Jenna, you’re so quiet. You’ve got to have bunches of thoughts stuck in that pretty little head of yours!” Mrs. Crand smiled, and continued her needlepoint.

  Jenna glared at the woman and didn’t think twice about what spewed from her mouth. “Your cookies are yuck and your breath smells rotten and your cats are stupid 'cause they lick their butts all day long and your house smells like a bunch of pigs and I hate coming over every day and I miss my Mommy and Daddy and I want my baby to come home from the hospital! That is what is stuck inside my little head!”

  The buzzer on the oven went off, signaling another batch of Mrs. Crand’s stupid raisin oatmeal cookies were done baking.

  “Well, then,” Mrs. Crand said, “The cookies are done.”

  Jenna felt awful, and cowered down on the couch. “You asked,” she said.

  There was no small talk, no pleasant chit-chat at the door when Frank came to get Jenna that evening. Only a quiet Jenna, who clung to her favorite doll, looking very solemn, and Mrs. Crand who looked sternly at Frank.

  “How’d it go today?” Frank asked.

  “I think you might need to find other child care for your, for your… daughter.” Then Mrs. Crand looked down at Jenna and her face softened a bit. “I think she’s having a difficult time. I’d also suggest maybe some one-on-one time with her. I’d venture to say she’s feeling a bit left out with what’s going on with the baby.” She gave Jenna a sympathetic smile.

  Jenna couldn’t believe it. Mrs. Crand wasn’t going to rat her out for being rude to her? After the horrible things she said about her and her home? Jenna felt hot tears spring to her eyes, and guilt rise in her throat. She reached to Mrs. Crand and grabbed her around the waist, clinging to the old lady, forgetting about her stinky smell. Between sobs, she said, “I’m sorry Mrs. Crand.”

  “I know, I know dear. You’ll get through this. You take good care, darling.” Then she leaned down to whisper into Jenna’s ear. “I’m sorry about the cookies, I know it’s about time I try a new recipe.”

  Jenna looked up to Mrs. Crand and smiled. Maybe she wasn’t so horrible after all.

  Frank watched the exchange between the two and said, “Well, I think we’ll be all right actually. After this weekend, it looks like Courtney will be able to come home. We may have to get a night nurse, but things are looking up. Isn’t that great Jenna? Our whole family will be together again. You’ll get to see your baby sister again!”

  Jenna wasn’t sure if she was happy about that. She didn’t know how Courtney was going to be, if she would still cry and throw up all of the time, if Jenna would be allowed to touch her or go near her, if her Mom would pay her any attention anymore? She was scared about the changes that might come.

  She hoped Courtney was better, she wanted to have a baby sister but she wanted her to be a normal baby sister, not one who was sick and crying all of the time, and definitely not one she would be afraid to go near. The whole idea frightened her very much.

  “Jenna, honey, aren’t you excited? Your baby sister is coming home next week.”

  “I guess so, Daddy.”

  Chapter 23

  “I can’t believe out of all the places we can eat lunch we’re really going to eat hospital food,” Courtney said as they stood in line at the cafeteria.

  “Are you kidding? Don’t tell me you don’t love their chicken parm,” Jenna said. “And I’m starving.”

  “I know, I know. Me too. Fasting for that blood test sucked,” Courtney said. “Move on down the line, I want an apple crisp too,” she laughed.

  They paid for their food and found a quiet spot near the windows. Their moods had shifted from how they felt earlier that morning, and the sun was shining. Everything about the day and the days ahead seemed brighter, better somehow, since meeting with Dr. Rhetler.

  “Oh God, I can’t tell you how relieved I am,” Jenna said.

  “Me too,” Courtney admitted.

  “But Court, you didn’t seem like you were nervous at all.”

  “One of us had to stay strong for the both of us,” Courtney said as she dove into her apple crisp. “Of course I was scared, but we couldn’t have two of us freaking out, now could we? And you’ve been a complete mess.”

  “Yeah, I have, haven’t I?” Jenna sighed. “But I feel so much better after having met Dr. Rhetler. She really put me at ease.”

  “Me too.”

  The two were quiet as they ate their lunch and then Jenna asked, “So, when can I come meet this Mitch guy?”

  “Um, soon I think. I have to see where it’s going exactly,” Courtney said.

  “So you haven’t slept with him yet?”

  “Oh my God, Jenna! No! We’ve hung out like three times! And I really like him, so no, I haven’t done that yet,” Courtney brought her voice down to a whisper.

  Jenna took a bite of her chicken. “What are you waiting for?”

  “That got me real far with the other two guys.”

  “Maybe he’s different. Does he seem different?”

  Courtney got a faraway look in her eyes and then looked at Jenna. “Yes, he’s different,” she said matter of fact. “Definitely different.”

  “I bet you’ll do it soon,” Jenna pushed the issue.

  “You’ll be the third to know,” Courtney laughed.

  They finished lunch, picked up their trays, tossed out their trash and made their way to the exit.

  “I’m going to run to the bathroom,” Jenna said. “You need to go?”

  “Nah, I’m good. I’ll wait here. I’ve got a couple texts to return anyway.”

  “Aw, tell Mitch I can’t wait to meet him,” Jenna teased.

  “No chance!” Courtney said as Jenna disappeared into the ladies’ room. She reached into her purse for her phone and checked to see if Mitch replied to her last text. They had been sending flirty notes back and forth since Courtney was home, but she had not mentioned the doctor’s visit to him. She didn’t plan on saying anything to him until the results came back, or the two of them became more serious, whichever came first.

  “Courtney?” A familiar voice rang through the hospital corridor and she looked up. It was Darren in his EMT uniform. Of course they’d run into him there. She quickly turned her head to see if Jenna was on her way out.

  “Oh, hey Darren.” While she was happy to see him, she also felt sort of mad, and then she realized she didn't have a right to be mad at him. After all, it was Jenna who had split up with him, not the other way around.

  “How are you?” He reached over for a hug, and again, she felt a twinge of something, maybe anger, but she wanted to hug him, so she did. She had missed him so much. He had been like such a brother to her. She had loved him so much too. He was family. He was going to be family. Before her sister had gone and broken up the engagement. Courtney felt a lump form in her throat.

  “Wow, I’ve missed you kiddo,” he said. “What’re you doing here?”

  “Jenna and I–”

  “Jenna’s here?”

  “Yeah, in the bathroom.”

  “Oh man, I should probably go.” Darren looked to his left and then to the right, and ran his fingers through his wavy hair. It was as if he were looking for cover, looking for a way out.

  “But, no, wait. She’ll want to see you,” Courtney said.

  “I know, but not now. It’s not a good place, or good timing. I know I need to call her. Tell her I’ll call her, will you? And I know I owe you a call too. Miss you, kiddo. Why are you here anyway?”

  “The test. We had to come for that test for the disease Mom died from. I know Jenna told you. She wanted you to come,” she accused.
“You wouldn’t come.”

  His radio beeped and he picked it up and listened. It was an ER call. “Hey listen, I’ve got to run.” He kissed her quickly on her cheek and gave her another hug. “Give Jenna my love.” And just like that, he turned and ran down the corridor, shouting some code into his radio.

  The door to the ladies’ room whooshed open and Jenna came out, pulling her ponytail tight. She saw Courtney watching Darren run down the corridor, saw the look on Courtney’s face, the look of someone who had no idea what just happened, and she almost didn’t want to ask what had transpired minutes before between her ex-fiancé and her little sister.

  With Darren no longer in view, the two girls stood there quietly. Finally, Jenna asked, “What’d he say?”

  “He told me to give you his love. And that he would call you.”

  Chapter 24

  By the time Sunday rolled around, Courtney was more than ready to make the two-hour drive back to school. A trip to their mother’s house turned out to be too emotional for the girls, and they agreed they would attempt to tackle the rest of the clean-up in a month, over Thanksgiving break. The task seemed so enormous, neither of them wanted to address it. They both thought it would take a lot of wine, and some seriously loud music to help with the process of unloading so many intimate and important memories.

  Jenna promised to call Courtney as soon as she heard anything from Dr. Rhetler and Courtney said she’d do the same if she got news as well, and then with a long drawn-out hug, Courtney got on the road to head back to school. Thoughts of Mitch kept her motivated on the drive, along with a CD he had made for her, which she kept on auto-play. Before she knew it, she was pulling into the parking lot of her dorm building.

  She was surprised at how anxious she felt to get back to school to see Mitch, and she didn’t want to admit how much she had missed him over the break. They’d done plenty of flirty texting and he’d called her twice, which really surprised her. She didn’t think guys made actual phone calls anymore.

  As she pulled into the parking lot and parked her car, she checked her phone. There was a text from Jenna that said, “Txt me when u get to school so I know ur there.” And there was one from Mitch that said, “COME 2 MY RM.”

  Courtney smiled. She replied to Jenna’s text: “I’m here. Luv u.”

  Then she clicked onto Mitch’s message and typed: “Just parked, be up in a sec.”

  She resisted the urge to add a smiley face emoticon even though she was smiling so hard her cheeks ached at the thought of seeing him. And she had that jittery feeling in her stomach that proved there was something serious happening here.

  She couldn’t wait to see him.

  Chapter 25

  When they brought the baby home from the hospital, things didn’t seem much different than before she was in the hospital except that Courtney didn’t cry like she used to. Jenna still couldn’t go near her or hold her or play with her. She had other friends who had little sisters and brothers and they were allowed to hold and play with them. Jenna didn’t understand why she even had a little sister when she couldn’t even be around her. All she was allowed to do was do things for her mother to help with the baby and that was just plain old boring.

  “Jenna, could you please bring me a diaper for Courtney,” or “Jenna, could you get me a fresh cloth so I can clean up the spit-up” was all she ever heard from her mother.

  It got old.

  Her mother stopped paying attention to her. There was never any time to do anything together anymore because the stupid baby still needed all the attention. Jenna didn’t understand why Courtney was in the hospital for all that time because she still needed a ton of help from her Mommy. The baby didn’t cry as much, and she didn’t flip around and shake like she used to before she went into the hospital, but her mom kept holding her all of the time.

  “Mommy, will you play dollies with me?” Jenna asked one quiet afternoon when Courtney was asleep in her arms.

  “Honey, I’m busy. Can’t you see that Courtney is sleeping?”

  “Put her in her crib and play dollies with me!” Jenna demanded.

  “Go get your dollies and play on the floor by me. I can pretend that Courtney is my dolly and you can play with your dolly. It’ll be fun,” her Mommy said.

  “No! That’s stupid! You can’t play dollies with a real baby! That doesn’t make sense! I hate that baby! I wish you never had her. Why can’t you take her back to the hospital? She does nothing. I can’t ever play with her or touch her. You won’t let me do anything with her. She is the most boringest thing in the whole entire world!”

  “Jenna Maeve Haddonfield! Courtney is your sister! You are to love her and not talk about her like she is someone who you can just send back! Do you understand that?!”

  Jenna watched as her mother’s face changed from the nice Mommy she knew into some sort of monster person’s face. It turned kind of red and splotchy and then some tears came out. She hardly ever saw her mommy cry and that scared her. She only cried the one time the ambulance came and only for a little bit. Jenna must have said a really bad thing.

  “Do you know how much your sister hurts? How much pain she has been through? She is finally feeling better, and all she wants is her mommy. Honey, she needs to be held and loved. I would do the same for you if you hurt this bad. I held you too, just like this, when you were this tiny,” her mommy continued to cry, and so Jenna started to whimper.

  Her mom patted the spot on the couch next to her. “Come up here.” Jenna tentatively crawled up onto the couch. “Look at this sleeping baby. Look at your sister.” Jenna peeked up at her. What she saw was a teeny little baby. She saw the baby who had taken her mommy away from her. But then her mommy tucked her arm around her and pulled her into her body, as close as she could. “You are Mommy’s baby too. But you’re also a big girl. I love you so much. So, so much. You’re both my baby girls. You’re both sisters. Court-Court just needs a bit more of me now. She’ll get a little bit bigger soon, and then you’ll be able to play with her. I promise. You’ll be the best of friends. I always wanted a sister. I never had one. I’m so happy you have a sister. You’re so lucky. You don’t know how lucky you are. Someday… someday I promise you, you will realize that you will have a best friend for the rest of your life because you have a sister.”

  Jenna looked up at her mom and saw that she had stopped crying but her eyes were still heavy with leftover tears. She felt terrible for the horrible things she had said. She didn’t quite understand everything her mommy said but she knew it was really important stuff and that she better start being good.

  She looked down at the little ball of baby. Her sister. She better start getting used to the fact that she was going to be around and that she was going to have to share her with her parents. She was going to have to start liking her some way or another.

  Jenna’s mom squeezed her tightly, and kissed the top of her head. Courtney kept her eyes closed but she pursed her little lips and opened her mouth into the shape of a big O, and even though all she ever did was sleep, she yawned as if she was still tired and stretched her scrawny arms. Then the edges of her mouth curled up into the slightest bit of a smile. Jenna knew it was a smile.

  Maybe, just maybe she could find a way to like her.

  Chapter 26

  Courtney took the stairs up the six flights to her floor thinking a bit of sweat would produce a healthy glow to her skin. She could feel the excitement building. She couldn’t remember feeling this way about a guy ever, but then again, there had only been two, and her track record with those guys hadn’t qualified as much.

  There had been James, he had been what she had considered her first ‘love’ but looking back, that had actually been a joke. He was the guy who took her to prom and then took everything from her. Laughable now really, when she thought about it. What a waste of… everything.

  Then there had been the summer fling, the guy at the gym, who went by the name Trev. Not even Trevor. They had gone ou
t a total of six times, and the second to last time had ended when she thought they had had something, and she was ready to take it to the next level. He had taken her out to a nice dinner, bought her the requisite flowers, at least she thought they were requisite. He charmed her, really charmed her. Charmed the pants right off her. Afterward, she felt used. It had been awkward, uncomfortable.

  She had thought at least he would have asked her to stay, but instead, he got up, showered (he actually showered!), and made up some lame excuse about having to get up really early and would it be okay if he took her home.

  In his defense (why was she defending him?), he did ask her out again, and in her stupidity (why was she so stupid?) she did go out with him again, but when he suggested they go back to his place after a lame and uncomfortable date at a bar for a drink and appetizers (not even a full dinner this time), she asked him to take her home. That was the end of that.

  The next time she saw him at the gym, he was working his triceps by a blonde and using the same lines he had used on her.

  So, with those being the only experiences in her life as something she might have even remotely considered relationships, Courtney hiked up the last few stairs anticipating that things with Mitch would be different.

  She opened the heavy door to her dorm floor and the loud noise struck her immediately, but amazingly, it felt like the closest thing to home. Music blasted from rooms, kids bantered back and forth, a couple students passed her.

  “Hey Courtney, welcome back!” Remy said as he tossed a football to Brent.

  “Hi, and hey, you know no football in the hall!” Courtney yelled back.

  “Oops! Sorry!” Remy caught the ball that Brent threw back to him, and then joking, he yelled down the hall, “Hey everyone, RA alert! She’s back! Put your bongs away!”